"The monkey wrench? I thought you had it.."
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Retro Videogaming: The Great Space Race.
A RACE IN SPACE THAT WASN'T SO GREAT AFTER ALL.
This takes me way back to my earliest days of computer gaming on the ZX Spectrum. One of the first and most influential games I bought for the system was Valhalla. An adventure game all about Thunder Gods, evil Tricksters and really skinny women. But what made Valhalla special was that it was visual unlike most adventurers back then which were text based with the odd graphic thrown in to fire your teenage imagination. In this game, you saw the results of your input as characters moved into frame and interacted with each other. I loved it. This thing was at the cutting edge of bleeding cool. I couldn't wait for their next game. A game they called the Great Space Race.
I remember walking into my local game shop one Saturday morning, well, it wasn't exactly a game shop as there were none back then, it was more a newsagents with a black and white telly in the back which was hooked up to a speccy and tape machine and a selection of the latest games to hit the market were displayed on a rickety shelf above said telly. The owner was a bit of a tech head and his shop used to be packed with kids who were the pioneers of the computer gaming age. There on the shelf was a huge black box with the above logo on. Holy smokes, it was OUT. It was also £12 which was a fortune back then for a game. "TWELVE ENGLISH POUNDS, ARE THEY KIDDING?!" Heck, I'd have to save up for that. But I didn't have to because the owner had installed the game and was playing it as I came into his shop. Hmmmm, what was this? Static screens with a ton of text? Where's the movie? The owner glanced over at me and shook his head. "Not as good as Valhalla. It's a bit crap."
Oh noes!! It's crap?! You mean it's rubbish?!! And it was. I watched this thing beep, burp and generally do nothing with an deep dark sense of doom. All those hopes and anticipation. Gone. Blown away by dodgy pixels which looked nothing like a spaceship. I left the shop wanting to kick a cat. The Great Space Race - I call thee disappointment by any other name.
Saturday, 25 June 2011
Lenscap: The Old Grand Hotel 1920.
The Haunted House at the Top of my Street.
Back in 1970, I was a ball of snot dressed in a Flintstones t-shirt and a pair of two sizes too big saggy baggy jeans and who was always on the look out for adventure and some red indians to shoot with my pop gun. Those adventures usually involved this place, the old Grand Hotel and to the rear, its courtyard and Victorian stables. We dreamed up those adventures to while aways those long summer holidays. Those were great days and those adventures grew taller with each telling to the little kids who weren't old enough to get in our gang.
I remember having to go get our ball which had been booted over the stable roof and into the centre of the cobbled courtyard. UH OH. The game was chicken. The one who kicked it had to go get it. So I did. I climbed over the surrounding 6ft high sandstone wall and sneaked over to where the ball was. It was then I heard the monster. It had been hiding down the steps to the beer cellar. Waiting. "It's the dog!!!" shouted my chums who were sat laughing themselves silly on the sandstone wall as I grabbed the ball and ran towards the double gates and freedom as if my arse was on fire with a growling and very pissed off bulldog hot on my heels. Thank God it was on a long chain. There was a sudden welcome yelp as it was stopped in its tracks and stood yapping in frustration. My chums all applauded my escape act as I turned and did a Superman pose realising I was safe. I had escaped. I think that dog became a wolf, who became a lion, and who ended up being owned by the Devil himself.
The Old Grand Hotel is long gone now and all that's left are the memories it holds for those of us who grew up in its imposing shadow.
Friday, 24 June 2011
Retro Videogaming: Lunar Jetman and the Phantom Trailer.
THE LUNAR BUGGY TRAILER - THE STUFF OF VIDEOGAMING LEGEND
His name was Simon B. It was all his fault. "Did you know that there's a trailer in Lunar Jetman?" Long pause. "No there isn't." I replied. I should know. I'd been playing L.J. for a month solid. I sure as hell hadn't seen any God dammed trailer. "There's a photo in Crash." Another long pause. "You're kidding?!!!" He shook his head. "Nope. Somebody sent in a photo of it." Holy shit, why hadn't I seen it? Hell, the game was hard enough without having to lug a trailer around AND avoid the baddest aliens EVER. So he went and got the magazine. "See?" he said, pointing to the photo. "Trailer. Lunar Jetman."
I can't remember how many hours I spent since that conversation trying to find that fucking trailer but it felt a lifetime. Well, at least until the next issue of Crash where the whole thing was debunked after the game code was analysed and the photo was nothing more than a smart arsed fake. If I ever met the bastard who did that I'm not sure whether I'd kick his ass or shake his hand for his bravado. The latter probably these days.
Electric Cinematic: "Man Made Monster" 1941.
Lon Chaney jr as the Electric Man.
A classic horror movie that, even though it only lasted an hour, scared the heebiejeebies out of me when I was 10. A love of mad scientists and their laboratories crackling with all kinds of pre-steampunk gizmos arcing electricity and magic was born.
Cult Icons: James Tiberius Kirk.
When being best wasn't good enough. He had to do it in style no matter what planet he was on.
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
Retro Comics: John Carter Warlord of Mars #1 - June 1977
Marvel's JCW of Mars 1977 - 1979.
Had every issue - then I discovered girls and got rid of my childish things. Fool that I was...
Electric Movie Preview: John Carter of Mars. (2012)
Barsoom Pre-Production Art.
Oh wow, just came across this. An atmospheric first preview of my most anticipation movie for a long time. Years ago, I used to buy the Edgar Rice Burroughs inspired Marvel comic "John Carter: Warlord of Mars." in the American A5 format. Loved the design and the sense of a stranger in a strange land theme. Fingers crossed that the final movie is as good as that pre-pro image. 2012 is such a long way away dammit....
Sunday, 19 June 2011
Retro Toys: Frustration.
Pop-o-matic fun with the original Frustration.
Many an hour was spent playing this during the 70's.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Electric Pix in Space: The Last Flight of the Endeavour.
"SHE WAS A GOOD SHIP..." Explorers 1985.
Explanation: This luminous night view of the space shuttle orbiter Endeavour, docked with the International Space Station for a final time, was captured on May 28. Orbiting 350 kilometers above planet Earth, Endeavour's payload bay is lit up as it hurtles through Earth's shadow at 17,000 miles per hour. At the top of the frame, the jointed appendages of the station's robotic manipulator arm Dextre appear in silhouette. Motion during the long exposure produced streaks in the starry background and the city lights on the darkened planet below. Completing a 16 day mission, Endeavour made a final landing at Kennedy Space Center in the dark, early morning hours of June 1.
Cult Icons: Trumpton Fire Brigade.
"Pugh, Pugh, Barney Magrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub."
Keeping the citizens of Camberwick Green and Trumpton safe in their beds.
Cult Icons: Play School.
"Here's a house, here's a door. Windows: 1 2 3 4, ready to knock? Turn the lock - It's Play School."
21st April 1964 - 11th March 1988
Retro Babes: Deanna Lund.
SPINDRIFT AND THE GIRL IN THE BIKINI
Sexy Deanna Lund as Valerie Scott in the excellent LAND OF THE GIANTS.
Retro Videogaming: UnderWurlde.
RETRO VIDEOGAME ART
"Underwurlde" by ULTIMATE PLAY THE GAME.
People say that the Super Mario series from Nintendo are the greatest videogaming platformers of all time. Nope, not for me they're not. I go way back to 1984 and this game for the Sinclair ZX Spectrum which came out at the same time as another seminal classic from ULTIMATE - Knight Lore.
Underwurlde was amazing for its time. To get anywhere you had to pixel perfect jump from ledge to ledge whilst avoiding the meanies. But these meanies were different: all they did was nudge or bump you. Simple when you're on the ground but a pain in the ass if you were perched on a tiny platform half way up the inside of a tower and a fall would mean the loss of a life. Perfect gameplay. Equal parts addictive. Equal parts ARGGHHHH!!
A fantastic game with one of the greatest "cheats" ever seen in the history of videogaming. But that's a tale for another post...
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Retro Future: Taking in the View.
SIGHT SEEING METROPOLIS STYLE
It's the weekend. Work is done and you need to relax so you find yourself in some 50th floor cafe just enjoying watching the world and the 10.30 Trans-express go by. A great way to spend a spring day in the 24th century...
Retro History: Return of the Moon Men.
PRESIDENT NIXON WELCOMES THE CREW OF APOLLO 11 HOME.
Life is marked by moments in history. I was seven when Armstrong, Aldrin and Collins went for a trip to the moon. I remember sitting around our old black and white tv with family and my dad telling me that what was about to happen was the most important thing that had ever happened and that I would rremember it to my dying day. Being seven that was a pretty big deal. It was a then and now moment. Yesterday was different to tomorrow. The world turned but all eyes were to the heavens. No doubt I'll post more from our adventures in the cosmos but I wanted to post this particular one first because when I first saw it after returning to school after the summer holidays I asked my teacher why they were locked in a tin can. "Do they have moon flu or something?"
To be there at the dawn of a new age is a blessing as it makes one appreciated the achievements of the future even more. Thanks Neil, Buzz and Michael for showing me the amazing beauty beyond my own personal horizon.
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